Disney Plans

No, I don't want to go. It's too dark. My husband and I glance at each other, puzzled. Our oldest daughter refuses to go on the Winnie the Pooh ride at Disney World. I remind her that she happily went on the ride two years ago, but she shakes her head and calmly tells us that she would rather wait outside with her aunt and infant sister.

My middle child is ready and raring to go. She follows her older sister everywhere, but today she wants to go on the ride without her. She doesn't want to go to bed without her, she doesn't want to play without her, she doesn't even like to ride in the car without her, but at this moment she is willing to have this experience on her own. We are confused by this turn of events.

I know my husband wants to talk the older one into going on the ride. He wants to convince her that she will like it. He might even try to change her mind by telling her that her little sister is not afraid to go. I know he wants to do this because I am contemplating the same thing. While I am processing what to do my middle daughter pulls at my sleeve because she wants to go stand in line. We are torn. This is not what we planned.

At home we read the Disney Guidebook over and over. We talked about the rides we would go on and how the girls would sit together. My oldest daughter shared her memories of her past Disney experience and promised her sister that she would hold her hand and keep her safe. We created a vision for the day, but now we are struggling to adjust to the unexpected.

The pattern continues as our oldest daughter passes on Peter Pan and Snow White while her younger sister begs for Pirates of the Caribbean. Doesn't our oldest know that this is a tremendous opportunity? Doesn't she know that the rides are the best part? We are also confused by our middle daughter's sudden desire for independence. Is she really ready for these rides? Is it OK to let her go without her sister?

As my husband and I contemplate these questions, my aunt happens to mention a comment my oldest daughter made while waiting for us outside Winnie the Pooh.

Did you know that some people like certain things and some people don't? My mom and dad tell me that I have a choice. I can choose what I like and don't like.

I smile at my husband and we both immediately wake up. We teach our girls to trust themselves, to seek their own personal enjoyment, to not feel obligated to do what everybody else is doing, and here we are not supporting their individual expression. We created an expectation for the day and we weren't allowing for the real moment to emerge. The truth is simple. My oldest daughter is not interested in the dark rides and my middle daughter is ready to go it alone. It is not what we expected, but it is what it is.

It's the end of the day and the girls decide that we should ride It's a Small World one more time. We hop in the boat and I watch the girls hold hands, sing the song, and point to all of sights. I notice that every once in a while they look at each other and smile. I sit behind them, happy to watch their experience rather than create it.

Copyright © 2008 Cathy Cassani Adams, all rights reserved. Used with permission.

Cathy, a licensed social worker is a PCI graduate, a PCI instructor, and the mother of two daughters. She works as parent coach in the Chicago area. For more information, please visit her Web site, www.intentionalparent.net.